Photo Credit: Tasty Chops
I grew up in asian grocery stores.
More specifically, I spent many a weekend as a child on family trips in search of an asian grocery store, ideally with a restaurant nearby or even better a food court built in. The goal: to dine and shop. To revel in ethnic food products unavailable in your everyday Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Aisles of colorful instant noodle packages boasting flavors like spicy kimchi and red miso. Shelves of sweet snacks from crunchy Pocky to glutinous Botan candy and semi sweet crunchy biscuits.
Thinking back, it was more than simply dining and shopping. It was the creation of a collective experience. It was the sharing of food. It was connection to tastes, languages and people that resonated with a subconscious yearning for a home far away, even one that being born in the US, I was not intimately familiar with. It was exploration. It was our weekend rhythm. Something we embraced as a family with no questions asked. Something we all enjoyed. In short, it was our ritual.
And now that I am older and have become a parent, I find myself driven to repeat the same ritual. As if the pattern of behavior has been etched in me from childhood, waiting to reemerge with the fresh tides of parenthood. The formula is the same: seek out ye old asian community enclave, find a strip mall area with thirty non-English signs at the entrance, eat at a restaurant with high school cafeteria decor then shop at a grocery store filled with the buttery yellow shades of jack fruit and freshly made tofu. Rinse and repeat.
In Los Angeles we have many options. For Vietnamese we go to Orange County. For Korean, of course Koreatown (more like a city). For Japanese, go to Gardena. For Thai, North Hollywood. We haven’t yet explored San Gabriel and the wealth of Chinese options. Regardless, our aesthetic is a restaurant with excellent food at great value. Don’t pay for ambience. We’re looking for bare bones decor run by a mom and pop duo with prices that reflect cultural values of good food and attention to detail but not to superficialities. For example, I want my cold soba noodles cooked with just the right amount of bounce and bite, but I don’t need a coi pond greeting me on the way in.
Like any good ritual, the experience is more than the sum of its parts. The drive outside of the city makes it a pilgrimage. A journey. The meal to eat something that is inaccessible during the week makes it a delicious special occasion. The dishes connect us to our parents and the flavors that were concocted in our kitchens growing up and also what they exposed us to on exploratory outings of their own. At the grocery store we seek fish sauce, bamboo shoots, taro, purple sweet potatoes, a variety of mushrooms, sticky rice and bean based desserts, jackfruit chips and a variety of bean thread noodles. And to be honest, we may look the part (asian), but this experience is as much about discovery as it is about familiarity. We try new things, uncover hidden hot sauce gems (mean lady sauce!) and have a blast doing it. By the time we return home we are well fed, well stocked and ready to sink in to the rest of the weekend.
A good ritual is reaffirming. It creates gratitude. It brings people together. And it brings out the sacred in the mundane. Like a tea ceremony. Or eating a steaming bowl of spicy seafood noodle soup at a Korean food court embedded in a grocery store. Usually the word “ritual” has a religious connotation, but I’m not using it in that context, though I am using it to convey an experience imbued with meaning. Something worth remembering. Something worth rallying around. Our weekend ritual fits the bill. It connects me to my parents in a way that I did not recognize until my daughter was born. It is a means for me to remain connected to my childhood. And it provides a consistent way to disconnect from the week and everyday responsibilities and instead spend quality time with my lovely wife and daughter and enjoy one other's company. What more could I ask for?
Questions
What are your rituals?
What purpose do your rituals serve in your life?
Where did you learn your rituals?